The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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