You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
