I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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