i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sorry about my life...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
