AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
