I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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