it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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