dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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