Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
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IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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