Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
