Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
