Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
40s are totally the cure
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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