i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
