I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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