My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
