Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
