Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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