So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
