chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
