I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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