I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
