Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
