lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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