he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
