We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dicks are not precious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
