What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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