Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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