She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
