Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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