Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
