are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
