OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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