Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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