I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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