you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
