I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
