You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
