the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
