Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
