Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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