it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found puke in my bra..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
