I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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