i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
