seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
