Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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