Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
