but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
