Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
