Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my shit smells like andre
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
