Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
