He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
