ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
