And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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