I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
