this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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