So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
