ooooooooooooo i'm drink
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.