you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.