Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.