omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem