would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.