I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
