i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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