You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
