his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
