Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
