My underwear smells like fireworks.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
