If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
