oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
